Most parents would agree that while being a parent is incredibly rewarding, it can also feel overwhelming at times. We’re juggling careers, keeping up with our kids’ schoolwork and activities, organizing playdates, volunteering at school, doing chores, scheduling appointments, and handling a million other tasks.
In recent years, parents and caregivers have been spending more time and energy on their kids than ever before, compared to previous generations. This approach, often referred to as “intensive parenting,” raises an important question: Can being so hands-on actually be harmful to our health and well-being?
What is Intensive Parenting?
Intensive parenting is kind of like an evolution of “helicopter parenting,” where parents are deeply involved in every part of their kids’ lives. Many parents today go above and beyond to protect their children from frustration, failure, and even minor inconveniences, while obsessing over giving them the best opportunities. Although this approach comes from a place of love, it can actually prevent kids from learning important life skills like independence, resilience, and problem-solving. In the long run, intensive parenting can end up doing more harm than good—for both the kids and the parents.
A Generational Shift
Of course, as parents, we want our children to be happy and comfortable. But unlike previous generations, who tended to let kids learn from experience, many modern parents are constantly stepping in to protect their kids from every possible risk. This hyper-involvement, while well-meaning, puts a lot of pressure on parents.
Recent studies show that 41% of parents feel overwhelmed by their daily responsibilities, and 48% say they’re stressed out most of the time. Even the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has pointed out that this rising pressure on parents is turning into a serious health concern.
The Stress of Intensive Parenting
Intensive parenting demands not just time and emotional energy but often a lot of financial resources too. Today’s parents are expected to be fully involved in their kids’ lives and create the “perfect” environment for them to thrive. But with both parents often working, it can feel impossible to balance everything. This pressure can leave both parents and children feeling exhausted and stressed, leading to parental burnout and mental health issues for kids.
How It Affects Children
When parents are burnt out or stressed, kids can pick up on it. This can affect their mental health, making them feel anxious or insecure. So, while intensive parenting may come from good intentions, the stress parents feel can trickle down and impact the kids too.
The Importance of Self-Care for Parents
Like most things in life, balance is key. It’s easier said than done, but parents need to prioritize their own well-being just as much as they care for their kids.
- Set Boundaries
It’s okay not to do everything. You don’t need to keep up with the Joneses or follow every trend on social media. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to protect your own well-being and prevent burnout. - Practice Self-Compassion
Lower your expectations and be kind to yourself. Parenting is hard, and you don’t have to be perfect. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. - Ask for Help
Don’t wait until you’re completely overwhelmed. Lean on your support network, talk to someone you trust, and if needed, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can help you recognize stress triggers, break negative patterns, and find ways to make parenting a little less stressful.
